Groove is in the Heart

Knock, knock.. who's there?

2007-06-04T17:02:00.000+08:00

"I'm gonna knock on your door
Ring on your bell
Tap on your window too (tok tok tok)
Come on and open your door
So I can show you more
I'm your friendly Electrolux man"

Opportunity is knocking, hence the tune of this 80s tv commercial keeps playing on my mind. Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.... aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Countdown

2007-05-31T10:35:00.000+08:00

15 more days til my last day of work. Feels like it's so near yet so far away pa. Afterwhich, I'm really excited to spend the rest of my days with my one true love, Benito.

This morning, he gave me an inquisitive look when he saw me getting ready for work. Darn, it just melts my heart to leave him all the time.

Yey, yey, yey!!! Lapit na!

Since bored naman ako..let's try this out..

2007-05-25T14:54:00.000+08:00

Tagged! This is what you are supposed to do. Cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.

Each player of this game starts off by giving six weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own six weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

HERE I GO..

1. When I was 3-4 years old, I claim to have dwarf friends. We were living in Mandaluyong then. My friends' names were Susan and TY. Mag-asawa daw sila. I would always talk out loud while playing alone, as if nga may mga kausap ako. However, I have no recall of ever seeing actual tiny people. But according to me daw, their colors are red and green - so of the friendly kind sila. But what's weird is.. one day I just came up to my Mom and gave her a very small banig hat with a strand of white hair and a bunch of old coins na panahon pa nung world war II ata. My friends gave it daw to me. And then when our family moved to Merville, my friends migrated to the States na daw, sabi ko. Hee.

So once in a while when I still think of it, I mean whether true or not, they really must've brought my family suwerte. Feeling ko lang :-)

2. I hate the sound of styrofoam being rubbed together. Or the sound of styrofoam when it is rubbed against a box. Or when you force the styrofoam to fit in the box. Uugghh. You know, when you purchase a new tv or stereo and then upon removal of the equipment is that eeekkyy sound. Hate it.

3. I have this big difficulty of buying only one (1) of mostly everything. For example, same style of shirt in 4 colors. 2 dozens of chocolate chip cookies. 2 Baby Einstein CDs. 2 milk powder dispensers. 2 feeding bottle brushes. 2 big bags of disposable diapers. 2 brands of diapers. 2 pairs of shorts, one khaki and one white - same style. Basta. Ayoko ng isa lang. As in hindi talaga puwedeng isa lang. Kaya pagdating sa grocery, good luck parati. Hhaaayyy.

4. I am a pasmado perzone - hands and feet. Always wet. So at times when they are dry, I feel uncomfortable. So what do I do? I put my hands on my mouth and slather some laway on them. Yuck no? But yes, I love it. Love it, love it!

5. I discovered the magnetic force of clitorial orgasm when I was 4 years old. With the use of our toilet's bidet/panirit. Pano nangyari yun? Basta one time lang when I was washing my little keplers there was this rising feeling when the water hits it. And then before I know it, aayy.. tumitirik na ang mata ko. So from then on, if I wanna get "kiliti" by that paniret, I would sit on the toilet bowl facing the tank para I'm like riding the paniret. Talk about sweet innocence ano? Love it! Nyahahaha.

6. I have this talent for creating funny sounds for people and creatures I am fond of. Leoy and Nyuv's name were my pauso. Aschigibobits for Benito. Theethurshgk for my daddy. Pringles Jabingles for Ringo. Chikakiks for Chiquita. Puunnchow for Pancho.

Nakuu.. since I don't have too many friends I have no one else to tag na. Naubos na kaka-tag ang chums. Haayyy. Heniweyz.. enjoy :-)

Milestone

2007-01-19T15:46:00.000+08:00

Today marks my last working day as a "dalaga." I have filed my maternity leave effective tomorrow, Jan.20 - and am expecting Little Tobi to say hello to the world sometime next week. Gead. Di ko kaya ang excitement!

I've long wanted to be a consistent blogger.. really. But I am often intimidated by shortage of words. Actually, I'm just super conscious of constructing my sentences but I really wanted to make lots of kuwentos and share thoughts on pregnancy, motherhoods, singlehoods (I'm referring to a jailer father hence singlehood pregnancy), angers, bucket of tears while watching Bituing Walang Ningning, cravings, paranaoias, etc etc - you only have to blame it on pregnancy hormones.

In summary, despite it being hormonally difficult in the beginning, I cherish every single day of nurturing my little one inside of me. And even if I did say in the past that as soon as he comes out, I will spanker him because of all the extreme morning sickness I experienced during my first trimester.. I'm sure that by the time we finally meet, I will be the tearful mother full of emotions you see on tv commercials.

I am just excited to see myself when I go back to work from my maternity leave. I will be soo different by then - emotionally and mentally.. sana calm and composed but definitely stronger :) Talk about work, although I hardly am ever appreciative of this company I've been working for for close to 7 years now, I am actually going to enjoy paid leaves for more than 2 mos plus my SSS maternity compensation which is a whopping ..tantararan.. 30K. Whoah! Not bad huh. I'm guessing.. that could be like a 6mos supply of diapers or 40 cans of formula milk for Benito. Thank you, PMN! Weeheew!

So, before the clock strikes 6pm today.. goodbye for now workloads, proposals, *$%!@ clients.. whoahahah! You'll see me again in hot hot summer as a hotter hotter momma.. rawr.

Can somebody tell me..

2006-09-13T15:38:00.000+08:00

kung ano nang nangyari sa:

1. Serg's Milk Chocolate
2. Coney Island ice cream

Yummmmmm.

What's Your Name, Little Mouse?

2006-07-06T11:18:00.000+08:00

God. Magiging Mommy na nga ba si Din?!? This is my baby at 8 weeks. More like a bubwit diba? Out of hand ang excitements at fun na eto. Promise.

So lately, I've been contemplating on baby names for my little one. Although I'm not due until February, exciting na din ang name planning.

For boy names, I want of Spanish origin, para very Pinoy din since we're used to Español naman. And for me, it's very manly eh. But for girl names, ayoko ata ng Español dahil very Amor and Corazon ano.

Henihoo, here are some of my top wants:

1. Mateo Herminio
Mateo means "gift of God". Swak na swak eto! At syempre pa, hindi puwedeng hindi isama ang pangalan ni legendary Lolo Minyong. Nickname: Mati. Geads. How cute!

2. Julian Arturo
Julian means "youthful" (pron. "hool-yan") In terms of meaning, wala masyadong symbolism pero okay lang. Oh, but according to Pasky, there's a Katipunero by the name of Julian Montalan. Well, alam mo naman ang tatay.. idealistic, patriotistic, nationalistic at kung anu-ano pang "istic". Kaya nga jailer eh. Arturo is Pasky's name so isama na din natin ang pangalan ni Daddy Art.

3. Angelica Christine
Angelica means "angelic". I kinda like this name also. No nickname. She has to be called Angelica. Christine, because my mommy's name is Cristinita. So derived from Lola ang second name.

4. Juliana Christine
Juliana means "soft-haired." (pron. "jool-ya-na") Again in terms of meaning, nonsense siya ano pero I kinda like this name. Nickname: Julia. Never na kung very Palermo or Clarete. Or, daughter of Goma and Lucy.

5. Other girl names in my mind: Isabela (Belle), Sophia (Sophie) and Francesca (Chesie).

6. Benito also sounds cute ano? It means "blessed". Nice din. Benito Herminio. Gggrrr.

Am I too excited or whuth? Kcuf! Kcuf! Kcuf!

Surprise, Surprise!

2006-06-29T13:18:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, my 3yr-old car's a/c broke down.

Sabi ng talyer kanina, 36K daw para ipaayos.

God. Pampaanak ko na yun eh. Naiiyak ba ko ngayon??

Irritations

2006-05-26T11:51:00.000+08:00

So I finally consulted the hotel physican who happens to be an ob-gyne. She strikes me as frigid and very matter of fact. Kumbaga, no beating around the bush, rekta na. So anyhoo, she gives me medication to supposedly "shock" my hormones and in a matter of days, I should have my period again. I hate hormonal pills. My body feels heavy, I palpitate, and I'm the most gigil person in the world ha. If I can just eat eberathang and enethang and enibady, I would. That's how sunget I am. But anyhoo, this is good for 5 days lang naman. But still, as early as now, I hate how my body feels na.

Going back to dra. ob-gyne, can i just share with you that her term for period is "menses". Eh I came to see her twice eh. So all the time, she just keeps saying "menses. menses. menses" Like a plural forms. Maybe because gushes of bloods? Ugh. How irritating is that??? So, when was the last time you had your menses? Ok, take this for 5 days in within 2 weeks you should have your menses. If you still don't have menses by then, come see me again. Menses. Gead, 100 kilos of annoyance!!

Out of Hand

2006-05-24T11:24:00.000+08:00

is my financial situation lately. Why is that?!? Everyday, I've just been shedding out money like tomorrow's the end of the world. Anubeh!!! My newly renovated home's dirty kitchen area roof decides to leak during last week's downpour, fire insurance is due, car insurance is way past the renewal date since January, credit card annual dues, credit card bills, utility bills, dogs decide to eat more and so every 3 weeks' time I have to buy their sack of food..and the list goes on and on and on..

There's always something that needs to be bought and spent on everyday. Medyo unfair ata ang universal operations ng things. My meager salary comes every 15 days and yet ang flow of cash ay eberidey. Underflow of incoming, overflow of outgoing. Sa init ng ulo ko hindi ko na ma analyze ang ratio ano, pero my Gad. Whuth huh whuth??? Whuth is this all about?

At nasaan na ba ang kinanginang period ko???? I've been waiting for 3 weeks na. But everytime I test naman, it's sooo negative ano. June na next week. So nasaan na sha???? Lords.

Out of hand.

Where art thou?

2006-05-22T12:20:00.000+08:00

There's some kind of impatience going on right now. And there's some bone-tingling excitement happening too.

Universe, please naman oh! Sabihin mo na kasi!!! Ano ba talaga??!! Kung wala eh di wala. Pero kung meron, aba eh.. Let's get this porty storted, let's get this porty storted na!!!

Weather Updates

2006-05-16T12:38:00.000+08:00

Been enjoying the cooler weather these past few days. Nice breather from the wrath of the summer heat. Bagyong Caloy's visit was so soothing. Sarap matulog! Although, I was working over the weekend and couldn't really hear the wind howling outside. God bless those who were affected though. And thank you Lord for keeping us warm and safe. Uy. Bigla naman akong nag drama dito! But seriously, we're still lucky peeps noh.

More on bagyos in life naman..(hee)..I still love Ysap. And as long as there's still a part of me that wants to make it work out, then I'll keep going for it. I just really need to pray a lot ano. Gash.

Last night, had a relaxing 1-hr massage with Gigi and Ets at BF. May bones pa ba si Ets pagkatapos bugbugin ng matikas na masahistang si Bhing? I love it.

Earthquake!!

2006-05-08T12:16:00.000+08:00

Yan, yan ang feeling ko over the weekend starting Friday evening. Para kong nayanig, naipit sa landslide, nanginginig, tulirong tuliro. Thank heavens, I'm quite okay now (or so I think). Hay naku Yksap, hanggang saan nga ba kita kakayanin?

So help me God talaga.

It's All Up To Me

2006-05-05T11:20:00.000+08:00

Being the confused girl that I am.. I've been going through emotional mood swings again, and again, and again. Weirdo. Actually, I really really hate it na and wanna get out of this rut.

Thanks to cardio funk classes and morning gulps of virgin coconut oil (yeah I know.. yuck!), I feel some sort of hyperactivity and giddiness. Maganda pa rin pala ang world. That despite our own little dramas (na most of the time eh nonsense talaga), we can still manage to smile.

Ika nga ng horoscope ko kahapon: "Despair is not productive; consider your options"

Ay nako Din, yzarc ka na nga talaga. Yzarc! Yzarc! Yzarc!

Hi, Lish!

2006-04-27T11:41:00.000+08:00

How've you been? Grabe, it's been four months na pala no? How fast time flies. How are things with you? I see you around and honestly, you're looking great!! I'm happy to know that.

I still miss you everyday. Together with that thought is a tug at my heart. Can't exactly describe how it feels.. not sure if it's guilt or loneliness because you're no longer a part of my life.

But you know what, I still learn from you everyday. And because of you, I'm striving to be a better person. Thank you for everything, Lish! I hope we can have the chance to bond, talk, laugh and just be ourselves in time.

I love you.

Friendly Tips

2006-04-12T11:15:00.000+08:00

Booie, my dear friend from college, told me last night:

"The only way to happiness is not to care."

Bless your heart Boo. I love you big.

Crossroads

2006-04-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

I am at a point when I am bound to make a decision. Why is life a bunch of decision making anyways?

Relationships are always a source of joy and inspiration. It plays a big role in your everyday life.. how you deal with problems, how you react to situations, how you cope with challenges and how you perceive the world and other social beings. But what happens when your relationship has become a struggle to live with as the days go on and on and on? When on most days, all you do is worry, wonder and doubt. When instead of feeling peace you feel jealousy. Instead of being happy and carefree, you stress yourself by gathering hatred and anger. Once trust is broken, the heart absorbs it.. therefore breeding ugliness in what's supposed to be the most sensitive and feeling organ of the human body.

A client who reads people's aura through colors told me last week that I emanated the color green. He further explained that green means decisions. He can read through my aura that I have some decision making to do. Although, he said that whatever it is I will decide on, I will be okay. I was bothered by what he said. Now I know that what I'm going through at the moment is what my client is talking about.

Why am I so scared? It's like facing my fear. I know I gotta do it but I'm so damn freakin scared. I'm scared of letting go but my mind tells me.. it's time to go, Claude. God, is it really time to go?

Extra Challenge (Din's Edition)

2006-04-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

How fast naman the world reacts! A few days ago, I was hopeful on healing myself from lots of anger. It's been buried so deep in me I can hardly contain it's full blossom. Therefore, I want to kill this anger tree before it pulls me down to my grave.

But I guess having that in thought is not enough. Well, obviously. Kasi I noticed, that right after I wished for it, I was immediately put to the test. And everyday, there is a sign or a test on my willingness to pursue this goal. At pahirap siya ng pahirap. Siguro naman hindi ako bibigyan ng challenge na di ko kayang lampasan. Geads.. I'm so scared. Really really scared. Kaya ko ha???

Wicked Wicked Cruella De Vil

2006-04-04T17:19:00.000+08:00

Tama bang hindi kami imbitahan sa graduation ng kapatid kong si Nicollo? Okay na sana yun eh. Tanggap ko na na talagang nilalayo niya kami ng Ate ko kay Daddy. Pero get this, si Yaya Dadang na sa akin nakatira eh invited sa after grad dinner.

'Naknampota. Anu ba yuuunn???! Bhaket??!! Nananadya ba sha? Or talagang tanga lang as my sister would put it? Ignorante, mal-edukada, mababaw ang pag-iisip.

I was raging mad yesterday upong learning it. But my wise, older sister told me, "Why get affected Din? She has no significance in your life anyway. She is nothing. So why stress? Why waste your time and energy on shallow people like her?" Well, nabastusan lang talaga ako. Actually, very rude. Walang kasing bastos.

But yeah, you do make sense, Sis. Bless your heart.

Thank you, Sis for always adopting me. Buti na lang sarap ng kain natin sa birthday party ni Paul yesterday. Dampa rocks, man! Buti na lang, pinanganak tayong mas matalino at kayang umunawa sa mga taong walang laman ang utak.

World, thank you na din for senseless stepmothers. Without them kasi, life will be too boring eh. As much as I love my dad with all my strength, good luck sa kanya ha. Good luck talaga.

Attention: World

2006-04-02T13:48:00.000+08:00

There are moments when I often realize na I'm really alone. Brought about by the circumstance of having a queer stepmother, my sister and I have chosen to live our own independent lives.

However, my sister is happily married with 2 kids and a loving, hard-working husband. She moved out of home since 1998.

Meanwhile, I am still a striving 31-yr old single woman with 4 dogs and 2 companions in which I now call my own home. My life in general is basically peaceful and quiet. I have my own privacy, my own time and my own space.

Sometimes lang, when the world is not too busy, para bang he wants to whisper in my ear as pang-asar na tipong "Din, mag-isa ka lang talaga for now. Wala ka nang pamilya."

No Sunday mass with family. No Sunday brunches. No Saturday afternoon hangs with Daddy. No weekends getaways in Majayjay. No Christmas Eve opening of the gifts. No New Year's Eve fireworks. No noche buenas/media noches. No Sunday family dinners. No birthday dinners with family. No holy week trips with family. No family.

I don't intend to sound kawawa or pitiful. I'm just stating a fact. Eh ganun talaga ang life eh. So I say to you, world: "I'm cool. I'll laugh at you din one day pag nakabuo na ko ng sarili kong family - one that nobody can take away from me. One that I will build and call my own. But for now, chill pill lang muna ko ha?"

Wishes

2006-03-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

I'd like to be a better person.
I want to be humble.
I want to control jealousy.
I want to control my greediness.
I want to control lots of anger.
I don't want to doubt anymore.
I want to be contented.
I don't want to be very worldly anmore.
I want happiness that comes from the intangibles.
I want to love my job.
I don't want to stop wishing on being a bum instead.
I want to be pro-active.
I don't want to be a lazy adult anymore.
I want patience.
I want a calm and peaceful mind.

Lord, how or where do I start kaya?

Kaya Ko Ba..

2006-03-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

ang CEBU/BOHOL with Chums????????!!!!!! Sana July na. Patience, mga kaibigan. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Tulirong Trumpo

2006-02-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

Trumpong Tuliro. Balisa. Nababahala. Geads. I've been restless the whole day. Feeling worried, fearful and frustrated. Ugh. Take it easy, Bebi. Hooyah!

University of Life

2006-02-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

Gash. I'm really an adult na talaga. No escape na ito. Hindi na puwedeng magpikit-mata. Hindi na puwedeng ipagkaila. Talk about Finance Managament noh. When pressured by the real world, I always like to reminisce the time when I was a dependent to my Dad and my sister. I didn't have worries back then. Que se hoda. Ang pinaka problema ko lang noon eh puppy love na feeling ko ikamamatay ko na. But now, I only have myself to rely on. Kung di ako papasok dahil tinatamad ako, malaki laki din ang bawas sa suweldo. Fuck. If I quit work naman just because I'm freakin sick and tired of it, wala akong pansuweldo kina yaya, pambili ng pagkain ng mga aso, pambayad sa kuryente, tubig, ilaw, gasolina, toll, grocery, pamalengke, association dues, rehistro ng kotse, property tax, foot spa, manicure/pedicure, hot oil, derma at spa. 'Kinang ina. Sarap mabuhay!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tomorrow, February 23 is my nephew Pablo's 8th birthday. Such an angel. I've always been so proud of my 2 nephews. Well-mannered, sociable, smart yet very thoughtful and sweet. They're always thinking of tagging along Tita Kawding wherever they go. They think my office is the whole of Peninsula. They always ask their mom and dad if they can have breakfast at Tita Kawding's office. Nnngggrrrr.

Meanwhile, on the same day tomorrow is my Lola Veny's 1st death anniversary. My Lola V who loved me and my sister like no other. Bless your soul, Lola. I know you and Mommy are working double time watching over me and Ate. Thank you for everything. Please send my love to Mommy. Tell her I miss her big time. P.S. Kung di po kayo masyado busy, paki hanap niyo naman po ako ng mapapangasawa, kahit match-making lang po. Kung di rin naman, I perfectly understand. Ika nga ng matatanda, nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tonight, I got in touch with a good friend who casually complained that he's afraid his job will turn him into an unmarried, single man forever. So I thought I'd give him a proposal: by the time we reach 40 years old and we're both still single, why don't we give us a try. To which he replied, "sure, kung gusto mo nga 32 pa lang eh." After more thought and exchange of SMS, I said let's go for 34, to which he approved. In fairness, namumulaklak pa din naman ang ovaries ko by then at kaya pang bumuo ng zygotes. Good luck, Din. Keep your fingers crossed.

Pilipinas Kong Mahal

2006-02-19T14:18:00.000+08:00

The Ultra stampede. Southern Leyte landslide. Coup threats. Street crooks. What's happening to our country? It's sad to experience this. Buti pa ako nalulungkot lang habang pinapanood sa tv o nababasa sa diyaryo. What more do the people directly involved feel? Yung nawalan ng pamilya, yung namatayan ng asawa sa stampede, yung hanggang ngayon di pa mahanap ang pamilyang natabunan ng lupa, yung mga anak ng school teacher na nagttxt underneath lots of lupa crying for help, yung magulang ng teenager na binaril sa BF Pque.

At times like these, I am deeply inclined to turn to my faith. Besides maintaining peace and order within my self, I have no other means to express my desire for the betterment of our country except through it. Bless our hearts, fellow countrymen. Kapit lang ng mahigpit.

A Day of Nonsense

2006-02-13T21:54:00.000+08:00

Hay nako. Eto na naman po tayo. People are in a frenzy. Eh so what? It's just "Valentine's Day" after all? I know this statement is coming from a very bitter person noh. Marami kasi tayong asim pagdating sa pag ibig. But wait.. hear me on this..

Ako naman, ang point ko lang eh bakit kailangang sa Feb.14 mamakyaw ng sang dosenang rosas para ibigay sa taong iniibig mo? O nililigawan mo? Bakit sa Feb. 14 lang kelangan magpadala ng napaka romantikong sulat o greeting card. Bakit sa Feb. 14 lang ba puwedeng magbigay ng hugis pusong tsokolate? Sa Feb. 14 lang ba puwedeng yayain ng dinner date ang taong iyong napupusuan? Come on naman dude, gimme a break!

Sinubukan kong alamin kung ano bang history ng Valentine's na eto. Gash. Walang sense ano. May mga legends pa daw itong si St. Valentine na eto. Walang matinong explanation sa internet about him. Kalokohan.

Ang sa akin lang.. if it's really all about love and giving and expressing love chuvaners, eh you can always do it everyday and anytime of the year! Ugh. I can't wait til this kaplastikan of the world is all over. I know it's just one day noh, 24 hours.. but really, panlilinlang lang siya to me.

The Blues

2006-02-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

It's one of those days when I'm just feeling the blues. It's a little bit of emptiness. Although I felt steady, I just felt so alone. The feeling that I'm missing someone, but not quite sure who. I'm missing somebody's company, but not quite sure if I was just bored.

This feeling has been quite constant since I hit 30. Adulthood perhaps. Good thing to know is that being alone eventually gets you to a comfort level. When feeling blue, I like to eat in a nice restaurant, stroll the mall, go to the spa or get a beauty treat alone. Just like today. Independence, though sometimes challenging, is good and very rewarding. It helps you to become mature enough to treat negative feelings as opportunities for strength and hope.

With a lot of faith, I know the blues will get better someday. Meanwhile, I rest my case.

Commercial break:
Why kaya the word "blue" to refer to a mood/feeling?

"I'm blue dadadi dadida.. ladadi dadida, or; true blue baby I love you" O di kaya "Blues Clues"? Goodnight.

Boys Don't Cry

2006-02-11T13:17:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been enjoying my closeness with Abu. It's true, I've always had carnal desires for him noh, but since I got involved with Pasky in 2003, I didn't want to take the risk of being emotionally confused.

Anyhoo, when I was in Cebu three weeks ago, we met up and had a few drinks and great conversation at Cowrie Grill in Shangri-La. The view was perfect, facing the quiet beach and calm waters of the Cebu Strait. We talked about many things.. career, politics, the AFP, pamangkins, family plans, personal goals and romantic relationships. We bid goodbye with a warm touch on the shoulder and a peck on the cheek. I felt good.

Last week, I learned that he decided to come to Manila for a few days. He invited me for badminton and we met up with his friend and my two colleagues. It was a fun play. His friend, Abu and myself went to have drinks and pica pica afterwards. At home, my body was dead tired, but I felt hyper and giddy. Talk about adrenalin rush. And being happy to see Abu again.

Last night, Abu was in bad shape. Emotionally. He's actually been down for a few days already. But I guess last night was the last straw for him. Root cause? A dragging pseudo-relationship. I kept him company at home. A few drinks, a bag of chips, 90's music in the background, 2 snoring Labradors and lots of talk. My heart went out to this guy who sat right in front of me, weary and frustrated.

I am attracted to Abu because I've always known him to be tough. I remember back in high school, when there are fistfights or commotions, I'd always find him involved. Either he's one of them guys who's given a hard punch on some dude or he's the fellow facing an a-hole pointing a gun at him. In college, I verbally threatened a guy who was saying nasty things about my best friend. As I was talking to the guy, I was looking in the direction of Abu, as if to send this prick a stern warning that if he doesn't get his act together, he's gonna find himself lifeless in some empty lot. That's Abu. You never wanna mess up with him.

But last night I saw a different side of him. Pensive, torn, and shattered. The tough guy I always looked up to was right there so close to me, searching for answers and hoping for strength. Although, in passing, he mentioned that if not for this emotional phase of him, he wouldn't be with me at that moment and sharing views and opinions like close buddies. Oo nga naman.

Through my conversations and time spent with Abu, I learned that guys pala are like girls also. They can't wait to have their own kids and drink beer with them when they're teenagers na. They can't wait to play basketball with their kids. They want to see their grandchildren too. They sulk over a failed relationship. They feel emotionally used and abused. They're constantly in search for the right person to marry. They dread still being single by 2010. They want to build a happy and solid family. They believe that what makes a person is the set of values experienced from home. They bitch about their ex when they remember them. They drink alone while listening to cheesy songs when depressed. They love purely and deeply.

It's good to know these things. And I'm learning them from Abu! On a lighter note, the "friend" route is not bad at all pala. I'm seriously happy enough that I have him as a friend. I'm even thankful we can be like this now. Although I know he'll always be deployed in some far away province, the spot he has earned in my heart is more than the space I thought I'd forever keep for my first love.

Happy Thoughts

2006-02-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

- play time with Chiquita, Pancho, Ringo and Fudge
- vacation leaves (with pay)
- Pre-Mutiny days with Pasky
- High School Days
- Boston, Massachusetts
- Bluche, Switzerland
- Snowstorms
- Rollerblading with Sam
- Majayhigh with chums
- conversation and drinks at Shangri-La Mactan with Abu
- Christmas and NY's Eve 2005 with Elie
- Storm signal no. 2 or 3 from PAGASA (Classes cancelled)
- Summer 1992 with Leoy, Niv and Chippy
- Neemo and Gino (my father and son mutts who each lived for at least 14 years)
- Minyong, Karen and Claudine 1984-1991 (pre-Encar years)

Hhhaaaaaayyyyy.... sarap mag reminisce and escape from reality for just a few minutes.

The Coolest 70-yr Old Man

2006-02-03T13:08:00.000+08:00

My Daddy turned 70 years old yesterday, February 2. Gash. How young. I treated him to lunch at Nielsens. Gusto daw niya buffet kasi diet daw siya. Marami daw kasing choices like salads and fish. Dami niyang kinain ha, rib-eye included. Promise, he's the cutest.

On one of our conversations, I asked him if he's happy. Sabi niya, if you're old na daw, you don't have much issues na. Wala na daw siyang masyadong wants in life, except to eat. Din's bubble thought: kaya pala ang dami niyang kinain. And he's forever on a diet.

And then he mentioned that he was going to Angeles, Pampanga the next day. He's riding his bike daw going there. I thought he's going with his group of bikers. Di daw, alone lang siya. I freaked out and sounded like a mother to him. "Ha?? Naku Daddy mag iingat ka, maraming loko mag drive sa north expressway! Lalo na yung mga bus dun, wild magmaneho." He told me he'll be okay, kasi naka convoy naman daw sa kanya si Pilo (his driver for 22 years now). To which he adds, "atsaka pag ayoko naman nang bumalik ng naka motor, sinasakay ko lang yun sa likod ng pick-up tapos dun na din ako sasakay sa pickup eh."

Aaarrrggghhh. Wanna eat him alive. Cute eh.

To the coolest, grooviest man in my life... I love you to bits. Bless your heart, Minyong.

Woof!

2006-01-30T10:18:00.000+08:00

I am now a single mother to four adorable dogs. Last Thursday, we officially welcomed Fudge at home.

Fudge is Pasky's 1-yr old Choco Lab. Makulet siya. Pero very sweet. So my children are now: (arranged according to age)
- Chiquita aka Cheechee, Cheesesticks, Minipinpin, Femalepinscher, Chiqui Girl - turning 2 on Feb.27
- Fudge aka Choco, Chocolat, Fudgie Girl - turned 1 last Nov.21
- Pancho aka Panchoboy, Panchler, Malepinscher - turned 1 last Dec.17
- Ringo aka Pringles Potato, Yellow, Ringler - turning 1 on June 4

Eto na. Since Fudge is the newest chick in the household, smellers na itong sa Ringo and Pancho. Syempre they're trying to be macho noh. Okay, humpers. Ringo humper of a Fudge. And.. Pancho humper of a Fudge. Gash. Kaya kong ma-stress ha. Fear ko lang na pag si Fudge nairita kay Panchler eh biter of a head. Or tapak sa katawan and then death.

Anyhoo, it's very tasking to be a mother to these lovable creatures. Baka next time makita ko ang chums, ang conversations ko ay "No!", "Leave it!", "Stay" and "Good Girl!"

Sila na din ang umuubos ng time ko. After work, I'm just so excited to come home to spend time with them. They're really therapeutical. Nawawala ang stress ko when I'm surrounded by them.

Woof!

2006: HOPE

2006-01-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

Yan. My word for 2006.

Gash. Long story kung bakit. Pagpasok pa lang ng January 1, 2006 ay crylers na si Din. Tama ba yun? Fuck. Heavy nito. Pero yes, I choose to revive hope in my system. All for the sake of making it workout with the person I choose to love. Yksap.

Kaya 'to. So help me God.

Tracy, thanks for the inspiring thought.

2006-01-02T18:10:00.000+08:00

Ringoxmas05

Tears From The Heart

2005-12-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

My Dearest,

My heart aches as I write to you now. I don't even know how to start, or where to begin. I will truly miss you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for understanding me until our very last minute as a couple. You are the only person I was closest to during my most difficult times. And now that I am quite ready to embark on a new life, you were still there to hold my hand and help me let go.

Please be strong my love. This too shall pass. I will constantly pray for your happiness. You deserve tons of that.

Thank you for being a part of my life. You will always have a special place in my heart.

I love you,
Claude

Maligayang Pasko Daw

2005-12-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Geads. It's officially December na. Although I am really not paying much attention to my surroundings and whether I like it or not, Christmas is just around the corner.

Din's thoughts:
- my first Christmas as an "independent adult"
- how am I celebrating Christmas Eve and with whom?
- traffic here, there and everywhere
- busy month at work (weddings, Christmas parties, other functions I really have no feelings for)
- last-minute shopping for gifts on the 23rd
- cooler nights and early mornings

Never. It's just another day of the year after all. So can we please freakin' get this done and over with?

Loving My Own

2005-11-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Minyong. If there's anything in this world that I am most thankful for and truly proud of, it would be being the daughter of this genius.

Sample His Article

Freyssinet on My Shoulder

2005-11-24T16:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just really hate people who are such a hassle. Extremely heavy. Pabigat sa buhay.

Heavy in such a way na:

- i cannot do what i want to do kasi nagpapa guilty
- i will tell him to screw up and that i'm gonna do what i want to do pero nonsense na din kasi talaga namang sira na ang buong araw ko sa init ng ulo
- puro pampaawa ang mga hirit

Or, hindi kaya I'm just a selfish, self-centered, insensitive bitch who only cares for the I, me and myself? Ugh.

Ganda ng Lola Mo

2005-11-21T22:33:00.000+08:00

Cheap finds are fabulous! For my bi-monthly beauty salon routine, I decided to check out Index Salon at BF Sucat. Ay, talk about really low-priced beauty treatments. I always go for hot oil and the orgasmic and stress-relieving manicure/pedicure and foot spa. So I always figure na kung no-frills lang naman na ganitong services eh chika na ang cheaper salons.

It's always interesting to watch other clients in the salon and try to analyze them. May mga cute, pretty, sexy, maputi, makinis.. at likewise, meron ding mga uglers na feeling cute at vain (kapal!), majubis, maitim, madungis, etc. etc. God forbid, pero ang sarap mag judge eh. Heehee. I'm sure ako din jina-judge nila noh? But never. Fuckers.

Also, as I always enjoy visits to the beauty salon, I always like to put myself in the position of the salon staff. What if my job 6x a week for 9 hours was to make kuskus all the thickest callouses of the people of the world? Saya ko ba? Or what if I was the senior stylist trying to upsell the latest method of hair straightening to a client who has the world's most chemically damaged hair? Or take the shampooist who does nothing but scrub bumbumnans of all scents, shapes and sizes all day. Or what if I was the most preferred hair waxer in the salon? Kaya ko pa bang hugasan at sabunin ang kilikili at keplers ko pag uwi ng bahay? Ayoko lang makakita ng bolivia noh? Or better yet, ever eat dried pusit or sinigang sa bayabas. Eeewww.

As a result, I always end up very pitiful for these hard-working salon staff. Kaya naman binabawi ko na lang sa tip. Not naman to brag noh. It melts my heart everytime I see their faces light up after I give them my gratuity. Eh pano siguro nga dahil cheap lang ang singil ng salon, ang mga clients, may pagka cheapler din at pati mga staff eh binabarat. Kawawa naman. Eh kung ikaw nga kaya ang gumawa ng trabaho nila? Unless na lang you really have the penchant for customer service and find pure delight in scrubbing kalyos and trimming dead nails. (Oopss, beep beep disc chums!) Pero diba? A little bit of generosity naman here.

Once in a while, let's be thankful for the kind of work we got. Whether it's a job, a career, a passion.. anything.

So tomorrow, I'm all psyched up to go back to work with a brighter attitude na tipong "Yeah, I love my job!". Pero shar, on my next day off, takbo na naman ako sa parlor para magpa kulkol ng paa't kamay. Kasi I'm a slave to my job, it sucks, and I need an outlet for relaxation. Same old routine, same old stress reliever, same old temporary enlightenment of the spirit. Geez.

Blame It On Starbucks

2005-11-18T00:50:00.000+08:00

Had a short 'n sweet time with my chummies this evening. Short hang lang because may kanya kanyang stuff to do pa after. Monster out to catch this American Idol guy Constantine at Greenbelt (with Mario)..Ets to pack pa for her Subic business trip..Punk couple to watch Itchyworms (sino ba talaga sila????).. Gigi and Din, wala lang, just homelers.

We ate at fuck, i forget the name (ang tanda ko na talaga).. basta this Chinese restaurant at Walter mart. Chika lang the food, nothing really spectacular. Then a quick "capping the chums gathering" at Starbucks, also in Waltermart. I had cheesecake and my all-time favorite, white chocolate mocha. Tang ina di lang ako makatulog ngayon ah. I so want to sleep naman na eh. Dami ko na na-surf sa internet but yes, my eyes are very owl-like. Fuck this.

Okay, some issues here. Why is it that everytime I check out my friends at friendster, I end up quite depressed. Actually, alam ko naman ang reason eh. I'm just trying to be trivial. Hee.

A lot of my friends, former batchmates, former colleagues are "Status: Married". Pota. And then you click on their pictures and you'll see images of babies, wedding shots, out of town shots. Pota. Hate it. I so wanna be like that naman eh. And then a lot of them have migrated to the States or Canada na. Fuck. How nice the background and sceneries in their pictures. But of course sa loob loob ko, tang ina hirap lang ng buhay doon noh. Kayod kalabaw. And i'm sure they're also occasionally being discriminated because they're brown. If you're not naman hirap na hirap sa buhay, life in our native motherland is still priceless. Walang ganito sa States.

Ay nako. Ayan kasi gising ng gising pa kaya lots of thoughts noh. Fuck.

Back to friendster.. there's this thing you can do na "Send a Smile". Ay. Parang puwede ito pang pasok Din ah. Kaso very loser naman ang dating. Although if I'm correct, sa friendster naka hook up etong si Monster ha. Loser nga lang yung nakuha niya. Hi Monst! Hhhmmm.. Hee.

Fuck nonsense na ito. I'm an owl. I will suffer tomorrow :-( So help me God.

My Heart's Christmas Wishlist

2005-11-11T20:52:00.000+08:00

I'd like to believe na I have sooo much love to give in this world. Di nga, promise. I love so many people kasi eh.

Prime examples:
1. Sam
I consider Sam a.k.a. Kanoochie as my one true love. Akala ko talaga ikakasal kami. Or baka tanga lang ako. Hello, Din?! 9 out of 10 people na nga ang nagsasabi na long distance relationship don't work diba? Eh si Din, feeling kinaya pero not si Kanooch. So major bigo si Din, pero never nawala sa isip niya si Kanooch, until this day. Not naman to the point na hanggang ngayon umiiyak noh. Exagg iyon. More of "kamusta na kaya siya?". Yan, always ganyan. Or when driving home from a hard day's work, ipapatugtog niya ang theme song niya kay Sam na "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton. Yan, pampa-relax lang ba na may halong reminiscing ng past. Cheese ba? Eh so what noh.

2. Abu
Si Abu ang root cause kung bakit I love men in uniform. Ibang dating nila eh. Mga bad boy image ba. Tipong babarugin ka muna bago ka haplos haplusin. Well, actually bilib na bilib lang ako kay Uba kasi since CSA and CRC days pa namin, sinasabi na niya na dream talaga niya maging sundalo. And then, just when he was a few months shy from graduating sa CRC, tumungo na siyang Baguio para mag PMA. Galing no? And now, he's with the Philippine Airforce na. Tom Cruise ng buhay ko. I think kayang i-jackie and Abu-Din relationship eh. Kaso hirap na naman. Long distance things kasi he can be based anywhere. Lipa. Cebu. Fuck. Never. But what's nice about Uba is when he's in town, he'd text and make yaya na we go out for a drink. Last time nag coffee kami sa SLEX. Kilig lang ako noh. But then after 3 days, fly out na siya to Cebu. Sigh. So, in my thoughts na rin lang si Uba.

3. Pasky
Pasky is my most tragic relationship. Siguro naman lahat tayo nasaksihan sa telebisyon at dyaryo and failed Oakwood Mutiny nung July 27, 2003 noh? Yan, yan si Yksap at ang kanilang tropa. Yung frustrations ko kasi kay Abu, naibuhos ko kay Pasky. Pasky is the quite type pero pare, ang tikas kakaiba. Very Pinoy and dating. Laki ng katawan, moreno (actually, very maitim) at may ka-guapuhan. Sarap. Basta, he's the definition of MACHO. Eh it so happens, tougher in skills pa pala itong si Yksap kaysa kay Uba. Si Yksap kasi ay isang SWAG or tinatawag na Special Warfare Group. Sila ang naririnig nating Navy Seals. So, kakaiba ang soldier talents. Sarap. Eh kaso nga, jailer. So after 2 years of bringing weekly groceries and ulam sa jailhouse rock, gumive up na si Din. Pero we're still friends. As in the love is still there, kaso paalam na si Din kung puwede na mag move on. Hirap kasi umasa sa sa walang katiyakan diba?

4. Elie
One word lang masasabi ko when it comes to Elie. Companionship. Actually, pumasok si Elie sa panahon na lungkot na lungkot na ko sa situation namin ni Yksap. Eh nung minsan sa isang function ko, habang nagse-setup eh may narining akong nagsasalitang Ilocano na maitim at macho. Ay, hindi kaya siya kapatid ni Pasky? Yun. Pasok Elie na. Si Elie.. si Elie who was there to fetch me from work. Si Elie who keeps me company kumain sa G4 foodcourt at magpalipas oras dahil ayokong umuwi ng maaga sa Alabang at aabutan ko lang na kumakain si Encar at Mark na hindi ko kabatian. Si Elie who makes me yaya to hear mass on Sundays. Si Elie who's my kasama to watch any cheezy movie sa sinehan. Si Elie. Siya ang pumuno ng oras, panahon at physical presence na hindi magampanan ni Yksap. And now, si Elie na katabi ko sa pagtulog, kayakap. Si Elie na handyman namin ni yaya sa bahay. Si Elie na kasa-kasama ko every morning papasok to work, mag grocery, mag derma, etc, etc. Si Elie. My source of comfort and security. Di ko yata kaya without him.

Hhaaayyy.. ang sarap magmahal, despite the craziness of all of it. Posible nga ba yun na ang dami mong mahal at the same time? I'd say YES. Carry. As in yes - yes yes yo. Kasi ito ang nafi-feel ko everyday eh.

Although at times na sa sobrang love na nafi-feel ko for all of them, madalas kinukulang ako sa disc space. Sana may nabibiling memory card for my big, tender, juicy heart. Para pag memory full na, pasak lang ng panibago diba? At with bigger MB. Kayanin na din kaya if we're talking about GB?

Or better yet, sana may heart reserve tayo na built in na sa katawan natin. Para pag yung heart laspag na sa kaka feel ng love or super sakit na due to heartaches and frustrations, mapapalitan kaagad ng brand new. Parang pag flat tire ba. Diba ang kotse laging may reserbang gulong? Ganun lang. Simple diba?

Material Girl

2005-11-06T16:15:00.000+08:00

I love it! I was bored today at work and decided to go to Glorietta during my 1-hour lunch break. And what did I do? Powershop. It's a quickie, like powersleep. What I bought were basically nonsense stuff. All wants and not needs. It gives me a false sense of happiness and satisfaction. And it's only when my credit card bill arrives that I'll realize for the 400 millionth time how foolish I am. Totally.

But right now, who cares? I'm happy. I love this feeling. Very shallow, but so fucking what?. Never. Deadma. Perhaps after two or three days, I'll feel overworked again, and in despair. So I'll run to the mall again, and again, and again. Material things to feed boredom, loneliness and insecurity. I just love it!

Adoption, Anyone?

2005-11-01T08:36:00.000+08:00

Since I decided to live on my own and moved to Tinzel Homes in May 2005, I knew that I had to prepare myself for major adjustments. One of this is accepting that fact that I am literally "on my own", with not much family contacts. This means no family members lounging around the house when I get home, no family members to chat with during dinner to catch up on how each and everyone's day went, no family members to bug, no family members bugging, no family member to fight with over the remote control/the computer/the landline. I guess this is fine and a lot of people probably envy me. It sounds cool after all, right?

Well, there are times when loneliness bites. More than anything else in this world, I truly miss the physical presence of Minyong. Wala lang. I miss popping up into their room when we used to live in Zaragoza Building and finding him on the bed, reading a newspaper. Or when I cross the sala from my room going to the kitchen, there he is flexibly seated on the sofa watching Noli De Castro dramatically announce a grandmother raped by her 16-year old druggie grandson on TV Patrol. Or I'd pretend to be asleep and hear my bedroom door open because he's conducting his nightly security check. When we moved into the new house in Alabang, I'd find him in his den drafting an article or catching up on his regular afternoon siesta. Or he'd be watching DVDs which he just bought with Nicollo from the Ruins. Otherwise, I'd catch him on the street cutting his bougainvilla or down in the basement garage, reving up his refurbished Mini Cooper. My Daddy... he's just very visible, easy to find.

Actually, since work is very hectic and I'm way too tired everytime I get home, I don't really feel much sadness. My dogs keep me busy and preoccupied. It's only during long weekends and non-working holidays that call for family gatherings that I get bitten. However, I thank God for my kumares whose families are kind enough to have me over with them.

Last Saturday, Oct.29, I got home early from work with no plans for the night. I just thought fuck, I'll just have to walk the dogs, watch tv, go online, and then sleep. Well here comes Adelaine inviting me for dinner at her place because it's her husband's birthday. How sweet. So I texted Gigi and we met up at Adelaine's. The whole Almeda clan, some of which are now my neighbors, welcomed me and immediately assissted me to the dinner table. I had brief occasions to chat with Flossie and Romel and watch Ninang Gigi play with Enzo. Adelaine was very hospitable and even packed away some lechon for me to bring home. Me and Gigi chatted until we felt it was time to retire to bed. I felt like family. It warmed my heart.

Here comes Sunday. At 4:00pm, I started to get ready to go to the cemetery to visit my mother and my lola's grave at Manila Memorial Park. My crew, comprised of Yaya Dadang, Chiquita, Pancho and Ringo were all geared up too. What used to be an annual thing of the Ordoñezes from Zaragoza Building has now changed with me as the Captain of the Ship headed for the cemetery. My passengers don't complain about how gloomy the weather is, or how bad the traffic is, how muddy it will be when we get there. That's what I used to do since I'm the whiner in the family. This time, I am the one taking charge. I am the one planning for the household on when we will be going to the cemetery. While in the car amidst the chaos of Undas, I am the one checking on my passengers if they're okay, telling them to hang on and be patient and that we're almost there. Just as we were about to enter the main gate of Manila Memorial, rain poured down. Fuck. Gotta make a U-turn and head back home. We'll probably have to go on Friday instead. It's another holiday anyways. I talked to my passengers again, apologized and explained why we had to go back. No complains heard, they're easy to deal with.

I decided to stop by Mommy's Pride Pancit Malabon along West Service Road and buy us some dinner takeout. While waiting, I can't help but stare at the Chocolate Cake, imagining how it would be nice to bring that to the Alvarezes for a feast over some hang and nonsense chitchat. Although I rarely hang at Maite's, I enjoy being there. Just because. So I texted Maite and asked if it was okay to hang at her place for the night. I tagged Gigi and Pancho along.

We got to Maite's and was welcomed at the door by Michael, with a wide grin on his face. Seated at the dinner table were her parents, playing solitaire. I gave the Cake to Maite and we all sat down. Shortly thereafter comes Guada and Pats checking out who just came in. Maite instantly cuts the cake and before you know it, us visitors and the whole Alvarez household are closely gathered at the main table. Tita Vickee starts convincing Gigi about the wonders of Virgin Coconut Oil. Meanwhile, I was busy interrogating Maite on her recent visit to Pats' dermatologist. I also compliment Pats on his smooth, radiant skin. In the background is still the mention of "omega 3 fatty acids" and "Ay naku, don't use canola oil, it's very unhealthy. Try Minola instead", "And you know what I just discovered, virgin coconut oil kills bad breath ha" and other technical stuff by Tita Vickee. Go Gigi, kaya mo yan. So that was our setup for a good 15 minutes. It was your typical chaotic family conversations. Afterwhich, Maite, Gigi and myself plopped onto the comfy couch and talked about chaz until again, it was time to go home and retire to bed. It was a home filled with laughter and warmth. It fed my lonesome soul.

Today, Oct.31, I am on holiday duty. 9am-6pm. Love my job. My celphone rings, screen flashing, "Daddy Calling". My heart smiles. "Oh Claudine, papunta kami kay Mommy Tinette ngayon." To which I reply, "Ah ok. Andito pa ako sa work ngayon, naka duty ako eh. Siguro mamayang gabi na ko pupunta, kasama ko si Dadang." Daddy says, "Ah ganun ba? O sige."

Again, I've just re-confirmed to myself that I'm really on my own now. Solo. On-my-own. I, me, myself. On most days, it's really not that bad. On few occasions, it pinches a bit. I'm sure I'll get used to this as the years will go on. And besides, who says I've lost family connections? With permission from my two closest friends, Claudine Almeda or Claudine Alvarez doesn't sound bad at all right? God Bless their hearts.

Hi, I'm a blogger!

2005-10-18T12:51:00.000+08:00

Wow. I can't believe I'm really starting to blog now. Siguro sabi ng chums, "Finally, Din!! It's about time noh?" Sana I get a warm welcome. Hee. Dami kong worries/insecurities/hangups noh. As if the world cares. So..woohoooohoooww!!! Let's get this party storted, let's get this party storted!!