Groove is in the Heart

Boys Don't Cry

Lately, I've been enjoying my closeness with Abu. It's true, I've always had carnal desires for him noh, but since I got involved with Pasky in 2003, I didn't want to take the risk of being emotionally confused.

Anyhoo, when I was in Cebu three weeks ago, we met up and had a few drinks and great conversation at Cowrie Grill in Shangri-La. The view was perfect, facing the quiet beach and calm waters of the Cebu Strait. We talked about many things.. career, politics, the AFP, pamangkins, family plans, personal goals and romantic relationships. We bid goodbye with a warm touch on the shoulder and a peck on the cheek. I felt good.

Last week, I learned that he decided to come to Manila for a few days. He invited me for badminton and we met up with his friend and my two colleagues. It was a fun play. His friend, Abu and myself went to have drinks and pica pica afterwards. At home, my body was dead tired, but I felt hyper and giddy. Talk about adrenalin rush. And being happy to see Abu again.

Last night, Abu was in bad shape. Emotionally. He's actually been down for a few days already. But I guess last night was the last straw for him. Root cause? A dragging pseudo-relationship. I kept him company at home. A few drinks, a bag of chips, 90's music in the background, 2 snoring Labradors and lots of talk. My heart went out to this guy who sat right in front of me, weary and frustrated.

I am attracted to Abu because I've always known him to be tough. I remember back in high school, when there are fistfights or commotions, I'd always find him involved. Either he's one of them guys who's given a hard punch on some dude or he's the fellow facing an a-hole pointing a gun at him. In college, I verbally threatened a guy who was saying nasty things about my best friend. As I was talking to the guy, I was looking in the direction of Abu, as if to send this prick a stern warning that if he doesn't get his act together, he's gonna find himself lifeless in some empty lot. That's Abu. You never wanna mess up with him.

But last night I saw a different side of him. Pensive, torn, and shattered. The tough guy I always looked up to was right there so close to me, searching for answers and hoping for strength. Although, in passing, he mentioned that if not for this emotional phase of him, he wouldn't be with me at that moment and sharing views and opinions like close buddies. Oo nga naman.

Through my conversations and time spent with Abu, I learned that guys pala are like girls also. They can't wait to have their own kids and drink beer with them when they're teenagers na. They can't wait to play basketball with their kids. They want to see their grandchildren too. They sulk over a failed relationship. They feel emotionally used and abused. They're constantly in search for the right person to marry. They dread still being single by 2010. They want to build a happy and solid family. They believe that what makes a person is the set of values experienced from home. They bitch about their ex when they remember them. They drink alone while listening to cheesy songs when depressed. They love purely and deeply.

It's good to know these things. And I'm learning them from Abu! On a lighter note, the "friend" route is not bad at all pala. I'm seriously happy enough that I have him as a friend. I'm even thankful we can be like this now. Although I know he'll always be deployed in some far away province, the spot he has earned in my heart is more than the space I thought I'd forever keep for my first love.

posted by Groove is in the Heart @ 1:17 PM