Groove is in the Heart: February 2006

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Tulirong Trumpo

Trumpong Tuliro. Balisa. Nababahala. Geads. I've been restless the whole day. Feeling worried, fearful and frustrated. Ugh. Take it easy, Bebi. Hooyah!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

University of Life

Gash. I'm really an adult na talaga. No escape na ito. Hindi na puwedeng magpikit-mata. Hindi na puwedeng ipagkaila. Talk about Finance Managament noh. When pressured by the real world, I always like to reminisce the time when I was a dependent to my Dad and my sister. I didn't have worries back then. Que se hoda. Ang pinaka problema ko lang noon eh puppy love na feeling ko ikamamatay ko na. But now, I only have myself to rely on. Kung di ako papasok dahil tinatamad ako, malaki laki din ang bawas sa suweldo. Fuck. If I quit work naman just because I'm freakin sick and tired of it, wala akong pansuweldo kina yaya, pambili ng pagkain ng mga aso, pambayad sa kuryente, tubig, ilaw, gasolina, toll, grocery, pamalengke, association dues, rehistro ng kotse, property tax, foot spa, manicure/pedicure, hot oil, derma at spa. 'Kinang ina. Sarap mabuhay!

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Tomorrow, February 23 is my nephew Pablo's 8th birthday. Such an angel. I've always been so proud of my 2 nephews. Well-mannered, sociable, smart yet very thoughtful and sweet. They're always thinking of tagging along Tita Kawding wherever they go. They think my office is the whole of Peninsula. They always ask their mom and dad if they can have breakfast at Tita Kawding's office. Nnngggrrrr.

Meanwhile, on the same day tomorrow is my Lola Veny's 1st death anniversary. My Lola V who loved me and my sister like no other. Bless your soul, Lola. I know you and Mommy are working double time watching over me and Ate. Thank you for everything. Please send my love to Mommy. Tell her I miss her big time. P.S. Kung di po kayo masyado busy, paki hanap niyo naman po ako ng mapapangasawa, kahit match-making lang po. Kung di rin naman, I perfectly understand. Ika nga ng matatanda, nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.

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Tonight, I got in touch with a good friend who casually complained that he's afraid his job will turn him into an unmarried, single man forever. So I thought I'd give him a proposal: by the time we reach 40 years old and we're both still single, why don't we give us a try. To which he replied, "sure, kung gusto mo nga 32 pa lang eh." After more thought and exchange of SMS, I said let's go for 34, to which he approved. In fairness, namumulaklak pa din naman ang ovaries ko by then at kaya pang bumuo ng zygotes. Good luck, Din. Keep your fingers crossed.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Pilipinas Kong Mahal

The Ultra stampede. Southern Leyte landslide. Coup threats. Street crooks. What's happening to our country? It's sad to experience this. Buti pa ako nalulungkot lang habang pinapanood sa tv o nababasa sa diyaryo. What more do the people directly involved feel? Yung nawalan ng pamilya, yung namatayan ng asawa sa stampede, yung hanggang ngayon di pa mahanap ang pamilyang natabunan ng lupa, yung mga anak ng school teacher na nagttxt underneath lots of lupa crying for help, yung magulang ng teenager na binaril sa BF Pque.

At times like these, I am deeply inclined to turn to my faith. Besides maintaining peace and order within my self, I have no other means to express my desire for the betterment of our country except through it. Bless our hearts, fellow countrymen. Kapit lang ng mahigpit.

Monday, February 13, 2006

A Day of Nonsense

Hay nako. Eto na naman po tayo. People are in a frenzy. Eh so what? It's just "Valentine's Day" after all? I know this statement is coming from a very bitter person noh. Marami kasi tayong asim pagdating sa pag ibig. But wait.. hear me on this..

Ako naman, ang point ko lang eh bakit kailangang sa Feb.14 mamakyaw ng sang dosenang rosas para ibigay sa taong iniibig mo? O nililigawan mo? Bakit sa Feb. 14 lang kelangan magpadala ng napaka romantikong sulat o greeting card. Bakit sa Feb. 14 lang ba puwedeng magbigay ng hugis pusong tsokolate? Sa Feb. 14 lang ba puwedeng yayain ng dinner date ang taong iyong napupusuan? Come on naman dude, gimme a break!

Sinubukan kong alamin kung ano bang history ng Valentine's na eto. Gash. Walang sense ano. May mga legends pa daw itong si St. Valentine na eto. Walang matinong explanation sa internet about him. Kalokohan.

Ang sa akin lang.. if it's really all about love and giving and expressing love chuvaners, eh you can always do it everyday and anytime of the year! Ugh. I can't wait til this kaplastikan of the world is all over. I know it's just one day noh, 24 hours.. but really, panlilinlang lang siya to me.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Blues

It's one of those days when I'm just feeling the blues. It's a little bit of emptiness. Although I felt steady, I just felt so alone. The feeling that I'm missing someone, but not quite sure who. I'm missing somebody's company, but not quite sure if I was just bored.

This feeling has been quite constant since I hit 30. Adulthood perhaps. Good thing to know is that being alone eventually gets you to a comfort level. When feeling blue, I like to eat in a nice restaurant, stroll the mall, go to the spa or get a beauty treat alone. Just like today. Independence, though sometimes challenging, is good and very rewarding. It helps you to become mature enough to treat negative feelings as opportunities for strength and hope.

With a lot of faith, I know the blues will get better someday. Meanwhile, I rest my case.

Commercial break:
Why kaya the word "blue" to refer to a mood/feeling?

"I'm blue dadadi dadida.. ladadi dadida, or; true blue baby I love you" O di kaya "Blues Clues"? Goodnight.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Boys Don't Cry

Lately, I've been enjoying my closeness with Abu. It's true, I've always had carnal desires for him noh, but since I got involved with Pasky in 2003, I didn't want to take the risk of being emotionally confused.

Anyhoo, when I was in Cebu three weeks ago, we met up and had a few drinks and great conversation at Cowrie Grill in Shangri-La. The view was perfect, facing the quiet beach and calm waters of the Cebu Strait. We talked about many things.. career, politics, the AFP, pamangkins, family plans, personal goals and romantic relationships. We bid goodbye with a warm touch on the shoulder and a peck on the cheek. I felt good.

Last week, I learned that he decided to come to Manila for a few days. He invited me for badminton and we met up with his friend and my two colleagues. It was a fun play. His friend, Abu and myself went to have drinks and pica pica afterwards. At home, my body was dead tired, but I felt hyper and giddy. Talk about adrenalin rush. And being happy to see Abu again.

Last night, Abu was in bad shape. Emotionally. He's actually been down for a few days already. But I guess last night was the last straw for him. Root cause? A dragging pseudo-relationship. I kept him company at home. A few drinks, a bag of chips, 90's music in the background, 2 snoring Labradors and lots of talk. My heart went out to this guy who sat right in front of me, weary and frustrated.

I am attracted to Abu because I've always known him to be tough. I remember back in high school, when there are fistfights or commotions, I'd always find him involved. Either he's one of them guys who's given a hard punch on some dude or he's the fellow facing an a-hole pointing a gun at him. In college, I verbally threatened a guy who was saying nasty things about my best friend. As I was talking to the guy, I was looking in the direction of Abu, as if to send this prick a stern warning that if he doesn't get his act together, he's gonna find himself lifeless in some empty lot. That's Abu. You never wanna mess up with him.

But last night I saw a different side of him. Pensive, torn, and shattered. The tough guy I always looked up to was right there so close to me, searching for answers and hoping for strength. Although, in passing, he mentioned that if not for this emotional phase of him, he wouldn't be with me at that moment and sharing views and opinions like close buddies. Oo nga naman.

Through my conversations and time spent with Abu, I learned that guys pala are like girls also. They can't wait to have their own kids and drink beer with them when they're teenagers na. They can't wait to play basketball with their kids. They want to see their grandchildren too. They sulk over a failed relationship. They feel emotionally used and abused. They're constantly in search for the right person to marry. They dread still being single by 2010. They want to build a happy and solid family. They believe that what makes a person is the set of values experienced from home. They bitch about their ex when they remember them. They drink alone while listening to cheesy songs when depressed. They love purely and deeply.

It's good to know these things. And I'm learning them from Abu! On a lighter note, the "friend" route is not bad at all pala. I'm seriously happy enough that I have him as a friend. I'm even thankful we can be like this now. Although I know he'll always be deployed in some far away province, the spot he has earned in my heart is more than the space I thought I'd forever keep for my first love.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Happy Thoughts

- play time with Chiquita, Pancho, Ringo and Fudge
- vacation leaves (with pay)
- Pre-Mutiny days with Pasky
- High School Days
- Boston, Massachusetts
- Bluche, Switzerland
- Snowstorms
- Rollerblading with Sam
- Majayhigh with chums
- conversation and drinks at Shangri-La Mactan with Abu
- Christmas and NY's Eve 2005 with Elie
- Storm signal no. 2 or 3 from PAGASA (Classes cancelled)
- Summer 1992 with Leoy, Niv and Chippy
- Neemo and Gino (my father and son mutts who each lived for at least 14 years)
- Minyong, Karen and Claudine 1984-1991 (pre-Encar years)

Hhhaaaaaayyyyy.... sarap mag reminisce and escape from reality for just a few minutes.

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Coolest 70-yr Old Man

My Daddy turned 70 years old yesterday, February 2. Gash. How young. I treated him to lunch at Nielsens. Gusto daw niya buffet kasi diet daw siya. Marami daw kasing choices like salads and fish. Dami niyang kinain ha, rib-eye included. Promise, he's the cutest.

On one of our conversations, I asked him if he's happy. Sabi niya, if you're old na daw, you don't have much issues na. Wala na daw siyang masyadong wants in life, except to eat. Din's bubble thought: kaya pala ang dami niyang kinain. And he's forever on a diet.

And then he mentioned that he was going to Angeles, Pampanga the next day. He's riding his bike daw going there. I thought he's going with his group of bikers. Di daw, alone lang siya. I freaked out and sounded like a mother to him. "Ha?? Naku Daddy mag iingat ka, maraming loko mag drive sa north expressway! Lalo na yung mga bus dun, wild magmaneho." He told me he'll be okay, kasi naka convoy naman daw sa kanya si Pilo (his driver for 22 years now). To which he adds, "atsaka pag ayoko naman nang bumalik ng naka motor, sinasakay ko lang yun sa likod ng pick-up tapos dun na din ako sasakay sa pickup eh."

Aaarrrggghhh. Wanna eat him alive. Cute eh.

To the coolest, grooviest man in my life... I love you to bits. Bless your heart, Minyong.

Groove is in the Heart