Hi, Lish!
How've you been? Grabe, it's been four months na pala no? How fast time flies. How are things with you? I see you around and honestly, you're looking great!! I'm happy to know that.
I still miss you everyday. Together with that thought is a tug at my heart. Can't exactly describe how it feels.. not sure if it's guilt or loneliness because you're no longer a part of my life.
But you know what, I still learn from you everyday. And because of you, I'm striving to be a better person. Thank you for everything, Lish! I hope we can have the chance to bond, talk, laugh and just be ourselves in time.
I love you.
Friendly Tips
Booie, my dear friend from college, told me last night:
"The only way to happiness is not to care."
Bless your heart Boo. I love you big.
Crossroads
I am at a point when I am bound to make a decision. Why is life a bunch of decision making anyways?
Relationships are always a source of joy and inspiration. It plays a big role in your everyday life.. how you deal with problems, how you react to situations, how you cope with challenges and how you perceive the world and other social beings. But what happens when your relationship has become a struggle to live with as the days go on and on and on? When on most days, all you do is worry, wonder and doubt. When instead of feeling peace you feel jealousy. Instead of being happy and carefree, you stress yourself by gathering hatred and anger. Once trust is broken, the heart absorbs it.. therefore breeding ugliness in what's supposed to be the most sensitive and feeling organ of the human body.
A client who reads people's aura through colors told me last week that I emanated the color green. He further explained that green means decisions. He can read through my aura that I have some decision making to do. Although, he said that whatever it is I will decide on, I will be okay. I was bothered by what he said. Now I know that what I'm going through at the moment is what my client is talking about.
Why am I so scared? It's like facing my fear. I know I gotta do it but I'm so damn freakin scared. I'm scared of letting go but my mind tells me.. it's time to go, Claude. God, is it really time to go?
Extra Challenge (Din's Edition)
How fast naman the world reacts! A few days ago, I was hopeful on healing myself from lots of anger. It's been buried so deep in me I can hardly contain it's full blossom. Therefore, I want to kill this anger tree before it pulls me down to my grave.
But I guess having that in thought is not enough. Well, obviously. Kasi I noticed, that right after I wished for it, I was immediately put to the test. And everyday, there is a sign or a test on my willingness to pursue this goal. At pahirap siya ng pahirap. Siguro naman hindi ako bibigyan ng challenge na di ko kayang lampasan. Geads.. I'm so scared. Really really scared. Kaya ko ha???
Wicked Wicked Cruella De Vil
Tama bang hindi kami imbitahan sa graduation ng kapatid kong si Nicollo? Okay na sana yun eh. Tanggap ko na na talagang nilalayo niya kami ng Ate ko kay Daddy. Pero get this, si Yaya Dadang na sa akin nakatira eh invited sa after grad dinner.
'Naknampota. Anu ba yuuunn???! Bhaket??!! Nananadya ba sha? Or talagang tanga lang as my sister would put it? Ignorante, mal-edukada, mababaw ang pag-iisip.
I was raging mad yesterday upong learning it. But my wise, older sister told me, "Why get affected Din? She has no significance in your life anyway. She is nothing. So why stress? Why waste your time and energy on shallow people like her?" Well, nabastusan lang talaga ako. Actually, very rude. Walang kasing bastos.
But yeah, you do make sense, Sis. Bless your heart.
Thank you, Sis for always adopting me. Buti na lang sarap ng kain natin sa birthday party ni Paul yesterday. Dampa rocks, man! Buti na lang, pinanganak tayong mas matalino at kayang umunawa sa mga taong walang laman ang utak.
World, thank you na din for senseless stepmothers. Without them kasi, life will be too boring eh. As much as I love my dad with all my strength, good luck sa kanya ha. Good luck talaga.
Attention: World
There are moments when I often realize na I'm really alone. Brought about by the circumstance of having a queer stepmother, my sister and I have chosen to live our own independent lives.
However, my sister is happily married with 2 kids and a loving, hard-working husband. She moved out of home since 1998.
Meanwhile, I am still a striving 31-yr old single woman with 4 dogs and 2 companions in which I now call my own home. My life in general is basically peaceful and quiet. I have my own privacy, my own time and my own space.
Sometimes lang, when the world is not too busy, para bang he wants to whisper in my ear as pang-asar na tipong "Din, mag-isa ka lang talaga for now. Wala ka nang pamilya."
No Sunday mass with family. No Sunday brunches. No Saturday afternoon hangs with Daddy. No weekends getaways in Majayjay. No Christmas Eve opening of the gifts. No New Year's Eve fireworks. No noche buenas/media noches. No Sunday family dinners. No birthday dinners with family. No holy week trips with family. No family.
I don't intend to sound kawawa or pitiful. I'm just stating a fact. Eh ganun talaga ang life eh. So I say to you, world: "I'm cool. I'll laugh at you din one day pag nakabuo na ko ng sarili kong family - one that nobody can take away from me. One that I will build and call my own. But for now, chill pill lang muna ko ha?"
